The two are not mutually exclusive, but it's becoming more and more clear to me that what is far more important that our outer shell, is what's inside.
Namely, our heart and soul.
I mentioned in previous blogs that life coaching is a way to manage our goals by working with a professional "buddy" who you make yourself accountable and answerable to. The coach is really only there as a means for you to check in with. As a client, you do all the work. Actually, in reality, you are the one who comes up with all the answers: the coach will simply guide you in the right direction.
So… goal setting… easy, right. Well, yes. But, sometimes even when we're on a path to goal A, with a set of nicely chunked-down sub-goals, what can happen is that somehow, we find ourselves stumped.
You know the feeling. You desperately want to sort out your finances, or change jobs, or do that thing that you've been putting off, but try as you might, you cannot seem to get any further ahead. It's almost as if there's a demon residing within your brain who only wakes up when you set out to do The Thing, and then there he/she is, hot stepping inside your mind, with a box of matches in one hand and a stick of dynamite in the other.
No matter how much you think you want to achieve The Thing, that devilish little demon is there, ready to lay a trail of gunpowder, flick the match, and then BOOM! You open your eyes and all you see are re-runs of your favourite show. You know the one – it's called Self Sabotage. Lead character: You.
We all do it. Even Life Coaches do it. And I'm certainly no expert because I'm just learning here too, but the road that all paths of self-sabotage seem to lead to is our Values.
So, what are Values (other than a term that therapists and coaches use)? What the heck are they and how can we come to know what ours are so that we can catch the demon, grab his dynamite and stick it where the sun don't shine?
Good question!
Different coaches have different ways of working with Values, and the list to choose from is as long as your arm. But in very basic terms, our Values are the language of our heart and soul. They are the reasons we do (and don't do) things. They are the drivers of our behaviour.
So, even if you don't have a name for any of your Values, you can begin to tell what they are by observing your own behaviour. For example: do you go out of your way to help others (be of service), do you aspire to be wealthy (status); do you prefer to work in a salaried position (stability), or are you more of an entrepreneur (freedom).
The values I've put in brackets are just examples, there are hundreds more, and just because you like the stability of a job, doesn't mean you don't also value freedom. One of the interesting things about our values is that they can present themselves in different areas of our life even though they seem to be opposing – such as the example of freedom and stability.
Maybe you love the freedom of cycling on the open road every morning, with the wind in your hair, but would never dream of starting your own business.
Values are a complex system that operate from the subconscious and drive our behaviour, but until you take a look at what they are, they are pretty much elusive. It's taken me months to figure out what mine are, and they keep changing based as I come to know more and more about myself. Just to give you an insight, here are my Top 5.
- Learning & Growth
- Connection & Communication
- Authenticity
- Being of Service
- Self-reliance
The subject of values is so in-depth I'll be delving into it in far more detail in the coming months, so stay tuned.
The amazing thing about knowing your values is that when you know what's driving your behaviour i.e. why you prefer to workout on your own (e.g. independence) rather than join a netball team (e.g. community), then your world starts to make so much more sense. And as you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, you automatically come to understand others more deeply. And when that happens, what you find is that connecting with people becomes a lot easier. Which feeds your heart and soul, which makes you feel more safe to open up even further, which means you connect with even more people.
And on the cycle goes.
Working on your Values is one of the most fascinating and insightful exercises I know of. Every Life Coach has the tools and training to help you understand yours. And, like I said, the most fantastic outcome of knowing what drives your behaviour is not only the connections you build with others, but the feeling of becoming more confident and comfortable in your own skin.
Just imagine!
h x
@barefootcoach
#values #lifecoaching #selfawareness #love #connection #barefootcoaching
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